January 1, 2018 1:08PM EST — Phone rings.
I look, then stare in disbelief. It was a an old connection.
Subconsciously realizing the phone might stop ringing, I quickly I snap out of a trance and I gleefully say, “Oh my god! Hello!”
My New Years Day surprise was someone I have basically known for the bulk of my life but whose voice I had not heard in exactly 6 months. In the grander scheme of things, that is not that long but it was a lifetime for this particular connection. What a joy this call was. Relief.
That time when the phone rings and you’re so happy to pick it… I have had a couple of moments like this over the last while and it got me thinking about the physiological and emotional magic that comes with rekindling connections that you miss…
I come from generations of immigrants. I have been an immigrant since I was a tot. Because of this I have always been an “outsider” and unknowingly remained so. Even now that I have called Toronto home for more than 15 years, I have still carried this outside vibe with me, everywhere. I know so many people around the world, deep enough to be invited to weddings and welcomed to couch-surf, but removed enough for them to not really feel my absence. At least nothing beyond the momentary observation I think… Being on the periphery of circles is again a topic I will chat more about another time, but for now I will briefly say it is something I will be working on changing as I move into the next phase of my life. While there is great solitude and power in being an outsider, there is also a sense of longing (and maybe FOMO) that comes with the cape…
Okay, I am getting side tracked. This post is not about being on the periphery of circles. It is about that feeling of kindling…
Because of my predisposition to be somewhat of a nomadic friend, I have had beautiful connections with different types of people at varying degrees of depth, with a handful of intimate experiences. From speaking with some of these friends, I have also observed that some of these memories are a lot more pronounced and meaningful in my head than theirs. Not in a bad way but just so. It could be that because when I come across what feels like a kindred connection I am as the kids say these days a little extra? It could quite simply also be that we all have our own valence systems that therefore make it impractical to value the same things at the same times? Maybe. Maybe something else.
I briefly shared with you about how I have been learning to live in and with intention over the last couple of years. Connections are an area of focus for me right now. It is really easy to give higher credence to those connections that are long but understand that duration does not necessarily equate to depth. You can sometimes meet someone quite fleetingly, but have the most profound conversation or a life changing experience together. For nomadic or outsider people like me, that matters. This is how I have always defined and made sense of connections since I was 9 years old. The older I get, the more I really consciously appreciate all those who have walked into, through and by my life. All of them.
No matter how you experience your connections, one thing for sure is there is nothing that beats reconnecting with someone you miss. Whether it is because you serendipitously bump into them, a digital friend request in your inbox or a surprise call — it’s magic. So today go off and reconnect with someone you miss or just thinking about, they’ll probably be so elated hearing from you.
Until next time, live and love.
In hindsight: The title doesn’t seem fitting for the content… what do you think?